Oh my! Why do I think I can "do-it-all"?
Twins, corporate work, household chores, etc. The only 'me' time I have are when I am having a shower, on the loo, driving to & from work, children in bed asleep, kitchen is closed for the night. Still, those supposed 'me' times are constantly filled with thoughts of what's coming up next / what's happening tomorrow / what's happening this week / what's happening next week, etc so technically, it is not 'me' time.
Perhaps it's me. I am just plain old selfish. Truthfully? I am just plain old exhausted from all the constant juggling. At some point, the plates will fall. Well, they have fallen many times and will no doubt, be the case over and over again because this is life.
I think women in general be it SAHM or those juggling a work/home life take on way too much. We are constantly caring for others, running errands, juggling multiple tasks while at the same time hoping and praing that we don't fall sick because when we do, things in general tend to fall apart in various degrees.
Back to the original question I posed myself "Why do I think I can do-it-all?"
I reckon I have been living my former life. With time to myself and time for everything else in general. Here are just a few scenarios:
- I used to take pleasure in browsing for things, now I just grab and go;
- I used to covert the latest designer handbags and would fawn over its make & luxurious feel, now I just grab whatever that does not look filthy and filled with receipts;
- I used to fuss over the type of coffee I drink, now I am grateful that it is still hot when I drink it;
- I used to wear the most gorgeous and outlandish shoes, now I wear fit flops;
- I used to go to the hair salon to get my hair done, eye brows shaped and faint moustache waxed, now I wear my hair in a pony tail and use disposable shavers to shape and wax;
- I used to enjoy watching movies after dinner, now I am in bed after dinner or falling asleep on the couch.
I have not let that former life go. I have to accept that my life hasn't been the same for quite awhile now and to blardy toughen up. My life seriously ain't so bad:
- I have two healthy children who gift me immense joy and also causes me to pull my hair out!
- I live in a leafy suburb surrounded by very supportive friends;
- I have a good reliable car that takes me places;
- I have been mortgage free for a few years now;
- I have a husband who does his fair share of household chores and has time for his hobby (which I resent, most of the time. When am I going to have 'me' time?)
Yes, life ain't a bed of roses. There are moments of extreme highs and moments of downright lows like when the kids and I are unwell AND I have to take care of them too!
When one hasn't had time to replenish from within, it's no wonder I have turned into a most intolerable person to live with. Let's face it - even I, don't want to live with me!
Ok. I feel much better now. Thank you for reading.