Monday, April 15, 2013

What's the Right Age to Add to the Family?

In recent months, a couple of friends in my age group have fallen pregnant and I couldn’t be more delighted for them because in my view, they are in a good place in their lives and being mummy is one of their dreams. The other delightful reason is that I am no longer the only one in my circle of life-long friends to have a child and in my case, children! Yay, I can finally form a club with them!
I am of the view that when two people come together in a partnership or marriage, they are already a family unit. A child is merely an addition / blessing to the family.
Therefore, what is the “right” age to add to the family? Well, this is certainly not clear cut for many obvious reasons and one that I can only answer for myself.
For me, there were certain benchmarks in my life I wanted fulfilled before Charlotte and Daniel came along and here are the crucial elements:

·       Need to complete my undergraduate studies (it was my dream to study overseas and my parents supported my decision by way of financing my education and living expenses for 1.5 years)

·        Need to meet someone who shares similar values in life, go on a few holidays  and live with before marriage so that we both knew what we were in for

·       Need to secure full-time employment to ensure stability and independence for my husband and myself so that we do not have to rely on anyone. Ultimately, it is our choice to be married and to have children. (whoever said money is unimportant must have a silver spoon in their mouth)

I am very lucky and bless to have fulfilled those crucial elements.

There I was married at 25 years of age – not maternal in the slightest and have always (still do) held the belief that being a mummy before 30 years old is ideal for reasons including quality of follicles (eggs in ovaries). Up till then, my life was relatively smooth. At 28 years old, I was diagnosed with PCOs and underwent 4 years of fertility treatments in a variety of ways (you name it, I’ve tried it). Eventually, my husband and I were blessed with the births of Charlotte and Daniel (at full term no less) when I turned 33 years old.

Since then, I have experienced extreme highs & lows and cry at the drop of a hat especially matters involving children be it my own or others. I could never have imagined the extremities associated with parenthood – the extreme physical, mental and emotional exhaustion to the over the top-overwhelmingly-all-encompassing love and pride.

From time to time, I will look back on my life pre-babies by stroking my designer handbag collection that are stowed away on the highest shelf in my wardrobe and {aging} reflection on the mirror. Do I miss my life then? Well, sometimes especially when the twins are too much to handle for that moment / day. Do I wish to have a different life? Absolutely not!

I am so glad to have had the opportunities to lead a carefree life for about 33 years. To study, to travel, to buy very beautiful things, to buy & own my home, etc. because having children does change everything. In time to come, we will travel more, I will buy precious and beautiful things again and for all the days of my life, love my children and strive to nurture them into happy adults by way of demonstration.

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