Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Good Marriage: For our sakes as well as theirs

A fortnight ago, I blogged about the impact of children on our marriage. I am going to follow this up with the importance of having a good marriage for our sakes as well as the sakes of our children.

Before the children were born, a very wise woman (who has notched up 44 years of marriage this year, blessed with 3 children and gifted with 10 grand children) lovingly nagged imparted two very valuable advise to me:

For the children
"Routine! Routine! Routine!"
For the marriage
"Put your marriage first!"
With her impressive "CV", it would have been suicidal for us not to implement a routine with the twins from the very moment they were born (yes I am THAT mother who wakes up sleeping babies for their feed every 3 hours) and we are grateful that they still go to bed at 6:30pm every night in their own room.

However, the other advise of putting our marriage first took much longer for us to put into action. Admittedly, being working parents who also share domestic chores means  we are often spent and much too exhausted to do more for each other. With time, this lack of energy meant that we were treating each other with short temperedness, lack of appreciation, etc. Does this sound familiar to you?

've been told that this is "normal" given our circumstances and I also know of marriages that remain in that state long after the children have left home. This is certainly not the kind of marriage I aspire for us not to have. Especially when we can do something about it. Pronto. That, we did.

The little things that we do for each other are what turned it around for us and here are some of those:
  • The daily hugs of appreciation in front of our children and when they go to bed
  • The smiling face that greets the spouse when he/she walks through the door daily
  • The holding of hands for no reason
  • Sitting next to each other for our dinners when the kids are in bed every night
  •  Going on regular dates with each other
  • Honouring the importance for the spouse to take time out for him/herself for a few hours to do whatever he/she desires without an entourage
Crucially, the greatest favour we can do for our children is to give them visible examples of love and esteem to our spouse in the hope that as they grow up, they may then look forward to maturity of finding spouses who compliment them and enjoy everything that a fulfilling marriage gifts.

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