Thursday, August 8, 2013

I snapped and did not bid her Good Night for the first time

My first born has been testing my patience for the last few days - insisting on certain things to be done a certain way, regressing back to being a baby (wanting to be swaddled in a towel and held like a baby), not wanting to eat her dinner unless she's sitting on my lap, etc.
In hindsight, they really aren't "big" problems. I simply have no capacity to put up with what I deem to be undesirable behaviour.
Anyway, it was full on drama mode after bath. Charlotte refused to be towelled dry, refused to have her nappy on...refused everything that we would do every night prior to bedtime since she was born.
I had enough and snapped. Smacked her hand and quickly put her nappy and her top on with her thrashing her body on the floor. Then I  smack her bottom (with my hand landing on her nappy) and quickly put her pants on. Then she went to her daddy for cuddles, crying.
I stayed on in the kids' room to ensure that Daniel had finished his milk, played with him a little and put him in his cot.
I then said to the husband that I need to leave the room because I cannot be in the same room as Charlotte anymore. With that, I shut their door behind me and I have not seen her since 6:30pm yesterday.
I had a restless night and miss Charlotte desperately.
I want to cuddle, kiss and tell her that I love her very, very much.


  1. This is such an honest, authentic moment you have shared. A moment that has happened in my home on several days. Nothing I am proud of, but moments I have forgiven myself for. Children are extremely adaptable. Sometimes it is o.k. to teach them that people get angry, get upset about things and...they bounce back. Children also need to tell us that they are not happy with how things are and sometimes choose to communicate those feelings in ways that are amazingly annoying. She maybe was just "out of sorts" and maybe just wanted to be glued to your side and feel the closeness of your body.
    Either way, just know you are an amazing mom. I just know this. And your children are lucky to have you as their mom and to have a model of a woman who loves her work and loves her family!!

    1. Thank you Aimee for your encouraging and reassuring response! :-)

      I love my children intensely deeply and with hand on my heart, they really are great kids (90% of the time). It's the 10% that I REALLY struggle with.

      I am now counting down to the hours before I pick them up from childcare and cannot wait to cuddle and smother the both of them with sloppy kisses!!!!