Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Just because you can doesn't mean you should

*** Disclaimer: This is a very heavy post that has been weighing heavily on my heart and mind ***

*** I am deeply disturbed by what I have read, seen and heard about how our young people are turning out ***

Simply having children does not make mothers and fathers. Just because you can potentially make children, does not mean you should. Having a child / children is an enormous privilege and honour. Parenthood is simply the hardest job I will ever love.
What we attempt to teach our sons and daughters today is what they will impart to their sons and daughters in the future. Think about that.
If you think that your son / daughter is a nuisance and best left to their own devices because it's just too hard, think again. Your son / daughter may well have their own son / daughter in the future. History may repeat itself because this is what your son / daughter knows about parenting and their own self-worth, through you.
Instead of blaming the system and / or someone else, look at your own reflection. Have you taken any personal responsibility on how your son / daughter is turning out and/or has turned out? 
I was by no means, a 'perfect' child.
Being an only child to two working parents who are loving and strict meant I was never let off scot free for any wrong doings. When I struggled academically, my parents hired tutors to coach me at home when it was beyond their academic abilities. When I refused to go home after school and went to my friend's home due to loneliness, my parents contacted my friend's parent and told her that she must never allow me into their home instead I had to ring my parents when I got home after school - my parents also had 'spies' in the neighbourhood that will tell them if I had been seen wandering.
When I rebelled against them, they held onto me even tighter and gave me no option to escape because they know that when a child acts against his/her parents and society, it's a desperate cry for help. My parents never gave up on me, ever. Nothing was ever too hard for my working class parents. When there was a problem, a solution was always sought be it from within or elsewhere.
My parents demonstrated what consistent parenting meant. They were my invisible safety nets and gate keepers. They set the rules, stuck with them and my job was to tow the line. We are a family and that's what family do. We stick together and play by the same rules.
As I grew older and gradually gained their trust, their safety nets and gates loosened & opened. Their abilities to evolve in their parenting, enabled my adoption of trusting myself, being authentic in my relationships, accountability to the people who really love me and growth in resilience.
I am by no means, the 'perfect' wife and mother. I am human and posses countless faults. Importantly, I am always learning and apologise when I am in the wrong. No blame game.
I strive to be the best parent I can be to my children on a daily basis. I am acutely aware that my behaviours will influence and shape the manner in which my son and daughter sees themselves, treat others, make decisions as well as their abilities to reach their fullest potentials whatever that may be.
Yes, my children are barely 2.5 years old and my parenting experience rather limited. Many will also say that toddlerhood is a walk in the park when compared to teenage hood. I don't know many things, don't profess to know them all but what I do know is this:
I will reap what I sow.
(My husband) and I must make full use of these early years to lay the foundations
for them and our family.
I am their mummy first and foremost.
It is my job to equip them with everything they need and enable them so that
they will know
how to convert obstacles into opportunities and live life for all its possibilities.


Magdalene xxx


  1. We will ALWAYS ALWAYS do what we can for the kids. And even though our experience may be limited - our instincts have served us well thus far, ya? :)

    1. Yes you are right about that. We will ALWAYS ALWAYS do what we can for the kids.

      There are other groups of care givers out there be it parents / grandparents who think that it is the responsibility of the government / school / other entities, etc to do with the parenting for them. This is the group that irks me the most. They blame everyone else for how their children are turning out / have turned out and do not take responsibility for the fact that, they are the ones who have failed their children in the first place.