Friday, February 21, 2014

5 things no one told me would happen when I became a mummy

 
 
"Sleep more! Rest more! Put your feet up!" are some of the loving advice dished out to expectant mothers. Ain't that the truth because sleeping more, resting more and putting your feet up are not as easy to come by whether you are a stay at home mummy where your work shift never ends (and you don't get paid) OR a working mummy where you have two shifts (and get paid for one of those).
 
Still, being a mummy is rather special. I know this because of the acute difference between life before motherhood and the life of motherhood. Despite their recent bout of nightmares (a few nights a week), I will not trade the life I have been gifted.
 
Here are 5 things no one told me would happen when I become a mummy:
 
* I will never be without an audience in the toilet and bathroom *
No matter how well I plan my "departure" into the toilet / bathroom by distracting them with their favourite TV show, snacks that require them to eat slowly, etc. The inevitable always happens just when my bottom touches the toilet or when I gingerly & quietly step into the shower, "MUMMY! WHERE ARE YOU!?"
 
* I will never sleep through the night even when everyone is asleep *
My kids are pretty good sleepers 99% of the time and will sleep for 11 -12 hours straight. Their bedroom is down the hall from mine, both our doors are shut and still, I will always wake up 5 minutes before one of them screams out for me (on the rare occasion). Even when all is quiet, my brain and ears are always on standby mode because I think, it's a mummy's innate need to protect her babies.
 
* I will think of my children constantly especially when we are apart *
They are in my thoughts and in my heart ALL.THE.TIME. Putting myself first takes A.LOT.OF.EFFORT.
 
* I will scream to calm my brain and raising blood pressure *
Children are arguing and crying, each wanting to be cuddled and soothed at the same time, one of them has soiled their undies because that kid did not make it in time to the toilet, dinner is bubbling furiously on the stove and the gas stove needs to be turned down into a simmer, the washing machine is calling out for cleaned laundry to be hung, it's teeming down with rain and all 18 floor to ceiling windows need to be closed, the cat is crying out for its dinner and following me everywhere in the house while crying at the top of her lungs, each twin is holding onto my leg and screaming for me to stop & cuddle them, the telephone rings off the hook and desperately needs to be picked up, the cat has decided to vomit in protest from the lack of attention and the twins shriek in disgust .... I feel my temperature rise very quickly, I want to pull my hair out, I want to scream for everyone and everything to stop, I WANT SILENCE, I WANT MY SPACE, I NEED TO BREATHE!!!!
 
I scream very loudly and stop. Plonk both kids on each of my hips and go about accomplishing the following while the two of them have their arms around my neck whimpering away:
 
Go to the stove - turn down the heat, grab the cat - place her in the garage and shut the door, walk to the laundry room - open the washing machine door, walk into the toilet - attend to the child with soiled undies while the other clings on, with the kids back on my hips - we walk around the home shutting all the windows, together we walk back to the main area of our home and wipe the cat's vomit off the floor. We sit on the floor and tickle each other senseless.
 
I will know that Designer Nappy Bag is a waste of money *
The husband bought me a designer nappy bag of my liking before the twins were born and I fantasized about how good I will look carrying their huge designer nappy bag while pushing my infant twins in our streamline twin stroller. A few months after the twins were born, I ditched the very expensive designer bag for a supermarket environmental bag!
 
Designer bags are meant for the sole enjoyment of the carrier and not to be stuffed with baby paraphernalia. Yes, I am still a bag snob. This will never change!
 
 
Now, over to you....what are 5 things no one told you before you became a mummy.
 
Have a brilliant Friday and an enjoyable weekend making memories with your family,
 

 
 

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