Tuesday, August 19, 2014

To my daughter, I am sorry

Dearest Charlotte

I certainly hope that in years to come if you read this post that you may know how deeply contrite I am everytime you are unwell (which is not often as compared to your brother).

Like you, the rest of us have yet had a decent night's sleep in over 3 weeks. It is psychologically tiresome, to state the least.

The first week was me. Laryngitis took over my well-being.
The second week was your brother. 
The third week is you. With cold and chesty cough.

When you first started feeling unwell, the wakings started at 12:45am with you requiring multiple applications of Vicks on your nose and chest followed by a drink of water. I think the record was 6 visits in an hour. Then it gradually moved to 3:00am with you requiring copious amount of Vicks on your nose and chest followed by a drink of water while you cried and whimpered yourself to sleep. Thank goodness, your brother continued to sleep through the ruckus.

I am a terrible mother when you are unwell.

I know it is part and parcel of being human that we fall ill from time to time so as to build our immunity and you would think I will be used to the high frequency of unwellness by now. Alas, this is an area I will never get used to.

Often, I let anger and annoyance be the first expressions of concern. 
When it should be gentleness and kindness.
I lash out because I wish I can take the discomfort away from you and I can't.
That frustration and helplessness takes over all reasonable behaviour on my part.
I should know better because I am the adult and your mother.

For that, I am truly and deeply sorry.

You forgive me all the time for my downfalls.
You hug and take away my pain.
You are everything and more I have ever hoped for in a daughter.

Charlotte, I promise to try MUCH, MUCH HARDER to be a kinder and more graceful mother to you during your periods of discomforts.

Let's try again later today when we meet.
I want to hold you in my arms and tell you how very sorry I am.
I look forward to comforting you in the wee hours of the morning.
You call for me because you need me.
I am here for you. This, I promise.

I love you to the moon and back x infinity,

Your mummy


  1. Replies
    1. Hi Cheeri-lee

      It was my absolute pleasure to share my parenting adventures and thanks for dropping by!