Dark clouds have been hovering over my head and repeated attempts at dispelling them have been futile. I have always relied on the quiet confidence of internalising situations and giving benefit of the doubt to those who have caused me grief in an attempt to understand their choices and in some cases, support them!
I pretend in order to keep the peace and ought to be presented with the Academy and Oscars for my realistic portrayal of the characters I play in sticky situations.
The obvious way forward is to be bold in confronting those who have caused me grief. I have yet done so because there will be repercussions on many levels. I am no Oprah Winfrey so I highly doubt there will be great enlightenment at the end with an image of me and those involved sitting around the campfire holding hands and singing kumbaya.
By chance, I recently disclosed the situations to an acquaintance that lives on the other side of the globe. It is peculiar that I would share my inner most thoughts with her as oppose to those closest and dearest to me. Being an acquaintance who is geographically challenged means that there is next to no chance of her intervening and that is why I feel safe with her.
Thankfully, she is highly perceptive with an innate ability to surmise my angst which I have always assumed to being dramatisation on my part.
"It boils down to disloyalty", she states matter a factly. In that moment, tingling sensations ran down my arms. She is right.
No wonder I have been unable to reconcile the differences despite repeatedly attempts. Being told to let it go and not bring it up again is both hurtful and disrespectful. I need to be supported and understood, and not be discredited for my loyalty.
Karma is a bitch.